Golden Hour #035: sweating profusely

in a room full of old people

Fleabag attends a Quaker meeting

This morning I went to a Quaker meeting for the first time this year. For those of you not familiar with their practice, Quakers are part of the dissenting protestant tradition and also go by the Religious Society of Friends. On Sunday mornings they gather to meet (mostly) in silence. I was not raised a Quaker but have come to appreciate their meetings, particularly since I had a baby who fills my every waking moment with noise.

Meetings are always a bit uncomfortable to begin with, especially if you’ve not been for a while. The silence feels loud and disconcerting, and you sit there feeling self-conscious of every niggling ache and twitch that passes through your body. I had turned up late and didn’t want to take my coat off because I thought it would be too loud, but it was really because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, so instead I sat there in my Patagonia, sweating profusely. I thought about how hot I felt, and how I should have just turned up ten minutes earlier. I thought about how the other people in the room had their shit together enough to turn up to a meeting at the correct time. I thought about the woman across from me who had a canteen of water and a special cushion to support her back. I thought how nice it would be to have a special cushion to support your back, and to be the kind of person that loved yourself enough to bring it to meeting.

Eventually I just tried to relax and be ok with being in a room full of silent people again. Not to be weirded out by it. I tried to tune into their collective peace and allow that peace to return to me. I listened to the woman who stood up and shared about a group of Palestinians who had just visited the area. She asked us to pray for them as they tried to return to their homes. I thought about how stupid it was to be worried about wearing a coat when there are people who don’t even have a roof over their heads. But then I thought about the man sat to my left who had his hands open on his lap and looked like he was really good at sitting in silence. Then I tried to pray for the Palestinians a bit.