Golden Hour #037: plenty of slack

on the imperative and liberating power of rest

It’s Saturday night as I write this, and I’m currently sat in a motel corridor somewhere in Bristol waiting for my daughter to nod off so that I can go back into our room without tears being shed. Happy days.

Life has been full and full-on of late. Lots of weekends away and not much time to catch my breath. I’m also finding this pregnancy quite different to my first, the exhaustion is still hitting me hard, and the aches and shooting pains which didn’t arrive until my final trimester with Etty are already making themselves known. I guess I’m getting older. Also, unlike last time, I’m much more mindful of my need for respite and am grateful when family members arrive to pick up the slack a little. There’s plenty of slack right now.

Yesterday I was talking to my Mum about my favourite topic, the protestant work ethic, and trying to explain how much I think it has affected our family’s approach to work and rest. We all work hard, often too hard, and I think we do so because we imagine there is some end result (not necessarily financial, more often spiritual) waiting for us *if only* we work that bit harder and longer. But what happens when the end result we envisaged doesn’t pan out? When our hard work leads to weariness and resentment instead of [insert reward of your choice here]? What then?

When I was younger, my refusal to admit that this was a flaw in my thinking led me down unpleasant roads, many of which I’m sure you’ve joined me on. Overwork, insecurity and perfectionism, along with a nagging sense that I was in many respects a ‘failure’, was the main byproduct of my religious devotion to succeeding in my work.

This pregnancy is teaching me that rest is essential to the creation and sustenance of life. It sounds obvious, writing it down, but I still don’t think it’s something I fully believe. It’s something I have to keep reminding myself of. The life that is inside me needs me to rest. Demands that I rest. He (or she) sends messages to every corner of my body imploring me to rest. And yet I still think I know better.