Pancakes and Prodigals

A short story (new fiction)

In March I travelled to Montana and met God.

‘Hey, it’s great to see you’ she said, glass of wine in hand. We hugged and I felt awkward. Hugging has never been my thing.

‘You know I’m not just here, right?’ she added, pouring some wine out for me.

I shrugged, feeling a bit embarrassed—‘I’ve been busy, with the kids and all that other stuff.’

‘I get it’ she said. ‘Been there, done that’.

‘Here, let me take the baby’.

I passed him over, pleased to have him out of my arms for a while. Suddenly I could move and everything felt a bit easier. I took the opportunity to go to the toilet alone.

That evening we caught up around the fire pit. Talked for two, three hours straight. I told God about the novel and how my older daughter turns three next month. ‘Isn’t it crazy how quickly time passes’ I said.

‘It really is.’ She replied, without a hint of condescension.

//

On Tuesday morning we got up early and walked up a dusty, gravel-lined path to the frozen river. The sky was clear but it was still pretty cold; God wore the baby in a sling, his two legs poking out of the side like a spatchcocked chicken. When we reached the river’s edge God tapped it with her foot, as if to test the thickness. ‘Just a few more days. And then Whoosh!’ her arm went up like an aeroplane in flight. ‘All this will be gone’

I didn’t copy her. When I was two my Dad did the same thing at a ceremonial duck pond and I fell right through the ice, two miles from home. Being hauled out and wrapped in an itchy woollen blanket is one of my earliest memories. I watched nervously as God did the same with my baby but managed to bite my tongue.

‘I bet your parents were worried that day’ she said.

I nodded. ‘Yup.’

‘Being a parent means there’s so much to worry about’ she continued. ‘There’s all the day to day stuff, like will my child ever be potty trained and will screen addiction ruin their life. And then there’s the bigger stuff, y’know. Being in the world and all that entails.’

I wanted her to be more specific. ‘Do you mean being in the world right now, or in general? Cause right now it feels pretty bad, but then sometimes you wonder if it’s just always been like this.’

‘Oh no this is pretty bad’ she admitted.

‘I’ve even thought about…’ she paused and trailed off ‘never mind.’

Out on the river some ducks were waddling about in the sun, tapping at the ice with their beaks.

‘That’s futile work’ I said.

‘Hmm.’ She said. ‘I’m not so sure.’ It was the only time she disagreed with me that weekend.

From the fleecy confines of his carrier my baby was laughing at me. His two bottom teeth were just starting to come through. Drool formed snail trails all over God’s new coat, but she didn’t seem to mind.

‘He’ll need a feed soon’ she said. ‘Let’s make our way back.’

//

In the Pocketstone cafe I ordered pancakes with bacon and black coffee. God asked for an omelette, ‘but go easy on the onions will ya.’

‘So how has the trip been?’ she asked. ‘Will you come back?’

‘It’s been overwhelming in the best ways’ I said, before reeling off some highlights.

‘But sometimes I’ve woken up feeling this sense of guilt that I can’t put my finger on. Like I shouldn’t really be allowed to have all this great stuff when there’s so much crap going on, y’know?’

She nodded. ‘Sometimes it’s hard to accept life at its best’.

God leaned into the back of the banquette and said ‘I know this guy who has an amazing house, family, job – the works. But he seems to spend his days obsessing over things out of his control, as if he needs something to be unhappy about. At least you can recognise when things are good. That’s a gift right there.’

I didn’t tell her about all my worries on that day. They were insignificant, really.

Underneath our table the baby slept in his car seat. His thumb had fallen out of his mouth and now rested on his tummy. The server came over and put our plates out in front of us. I looked down and noticed that there was the pattern of a smiley face on the top of my pancake. We tucked in to our respective breakfasts.

‘It’s been so great to see you’ said God.

We finished eating and promised not to leave it so long next time. She lamented her runny omelette and said that she should have ordered the pancakes. ‘Order envy’ she muttered. ‘I really should know better.’

Insistent whimpers started coming from the car seat and I remembered that I needed to change his nappy. ‘I’ll be right back to sort the bill’ I said.

She batted me away. ‘Don’t be silly’ she said ‘It’s already covered.’