Polycrisis parenting

Yes, I packed the cheesestrings

Caregiving, or as I prefer to call it, the never-ending Tripp-Trapp of doom

Last week I decided to take my children to a local reservoir not far from our house. It was during the arid spell, and my three-year-old was getting a bit irritable. So we packed up some egg sandwiches and headed off in pursuit of Shearwater, a manmade beauty spot about ten miles from our house.

As I pulled in to the lake’s carpark, I struggled to believe that it was the same place we’d visited so many times before. The hallmarks were the same—men were enjoying their day off by fishing at the lake’s edge—but I soon realised that they were stood on rock tributaries that are usually under atleast two metres of water. The lapping tide, so often plum with the path that encircles it, had retreated to the lowest level I’ve ever seen. Internally I started to spiral, wondering how many more years we have before water scarcity leads to civil unrest – externally, I was talking to my three year old about all the things we’d packed for our picnic. ‘Cheesestrings, mummy?’ – ‘Yes, I packed the cheesestrings, sweetheart.’

I was messaging another parent recently and we agreed that there is a particular perversity to parenting right now. Because being a parent demands that you care about the small, seemingly insignificant things; like cooking and cleaning and wiping bottoms. But it also heightens your emotional receptors to any threats or risks that your family are exposed to. So you also exist in a dual state, subconciously guarding against harms which are both real and imagined, whilst physically engaging in very dull, repetitive tasks.

This phenomena is something experienced by practically every parent since the dawn of time. The difference, for people of my generation, is that we were taught that we were inheriting a better world than the one our parents grew up in; that our worries, if we had them, would probably be of the nebulous ‘oh no they didn’t have the delivery slot’ sort. Instead, we find ourselves parenting in time of polycrisis. (ICYMI: the earth’s climate is in freefall and our political culture is beholdent to techno-fascist ideologies which seem poised to destroy democracy as we know it…)

This is the dichotomy of modern parenthood, in which we must try to focus on the minutiae and mundanities of life in a world that groans under the weight of all that is going wrong. This week, as we’ve continued to watch a genocide unfold on little handheld screens, I’ve dwelt upon these two polarities and the growing incomprehensibility of our world; a world in which the gulf between the children who have, who are safe and protected, and the children who lack all of the necessities needed to live seems to only widen by the day.

In many ways, doing normal, day-to-day things with my children feels utterly incongruous right now, almost laughable. But when I think about the actions which might have the potential to alter the trajectory of our world, I’m convinced that the act of caring, for our children and each other, really matters. It is one of the things that makes us human; there is no AI that can change the nappy of a squirming ten month old, or soothe the hot tears of a toddler. And when caregiving is a large part of your day you are grounded in the reality of existence, in all its scary, weetabix-caked glory. Our desire to care for each other, and to engage in a myriad of dull tasks, isn’t something that has to be programmed into us; it’s innate, which means that our love for each other is innate too.

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Real-recommendations:

1. ChatGPT is a gimmick: AI cannot save us from the effort of learning to live and die by Jonathan Malesic for The Hedgehog Review

   ‘But look at what people actually use this wonder for: brain-dead books and videos, scam-filled ads, polished but boring homework essays. Another presenter at the workshop I attended said he used AI to help him decide what to give his kids for breakfast that morning.’

2. My Brain Finally Broke by Jia Tolentino for the New Yorker

   ‘Much of what we see now is fake, and the reality we face is full of horrors. More and more of the world is slipping beyond my comprehension.’

3. Writer Lauren Groff on the Impulse to Make a Deeper Connection for the Louisiana Channel

   ‘If we don't change this idea of ourselves being at the very top, we're in so much trouble. We will never recover the planet.’

Other things:

1. I’ve written about the Green Party’s leadership election for Left Foot Forward

2. This month I’m particularly thankful for my paid supporters, who have collectively helped smooth out a period in which I’m not working as much due to childcare responsibilities. My paid subscribers chip in £4 per month - which cumulatively means I can justify the time spent writing this newsletter. If you value my writing do consider upgrading your subscription today. Thank you :)

3. If you are new here - hello! Why not check out my archive.